An Experiment.

*Contrary to feeling like death right now, I’m going to try an experiment. Here goes. 

I woke up this morning and I felt great!! I had so much energy, I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I began by taking a six-mile run and watching the sun come up. It was beautiful! The birds were chirping and the sun coming up over the horizon allowed me to see the true beauty of nature in the world. By the sixth mile, even Monty could barely keep up with me! He’s so lazy sometimes. I need to get him into shape. I felt like I could’ve run forever.

When I got home I cooked up a great breakfast. Cage free scrambled eggs with soy milk, a fresh fruit salad, and a protein shake. It’s my favorite breakfast. I read the paper and shook my head at the state of the world. We really need to get our shit together. By the end of breakfast it was already 7:30! The day was really flying by. Monty took a nap and I told him he better shape up or ship out! No more doggie treats for him. He’s gained weight!

Next I organized three closets in my house. Boy did they need it! I color coded and alphabetized all the things I was giving to good will, and even sorted the things within the boxes into subcategories (kitchen appliances, tools, decorative things, shitty Christmas presents still in their packages, etc.) By the end of all that closet organizing, I found myself sneezing a lot. Ugh, so annoying. Allergies are the worst! But, I didn’t take ANY pills! You know what I did? Vacuumed my entire house. Then I went to the Sharper Image and bought one of those air purifiers. Since it was only 9 am the mall was virtually empty, so I did a little shopping for myself. A girl CAN’T have too many shoes, right? Girls out there, you know what I’m sayin’!

When I came home I took a wet rag and wiped down all the surfaces in my house, including furniture surfaces, baseboards, fan-tops, and counter tops. Then I made some herbal tea my best friend Sally gave me a while ago, which is supposed to help prevent cancer and is known to be good for allergies. By now it was 10:30.

Next I went outside and tended to my garden. I’m growing a bunch of root vegetables as well as tomatoes, squash, lettuce, and South African JuJu beans. I did some weed-eating and general maintenance. I even hand painted a sign out of some old wood in our shed that said “Mary’s Garden.” It looks great. Sometimes I think I should have been a painter. Next I went inside, hand-washed all the vegetables that were ripe from the garden, and made an incredible home-grown salad. But you know what’s even better than home-grown salads? Home-grown salads with friends!

DON'T worry. It's organic.

So I called up my besties, Sally, Cindy, SueSue and Peggy. Well, I know that’s only four, but I didn’t have enough veggies for ALL of my friends (too many to count) so I only invited those four. I love my friends. I have so many of them. And they all love home-grown salads! We talked about Chloe Kardashians new hair color (ew) and the crappy state of the world and how somebody really needs to do something about that. Sally and Cindy then had to go to their Jazzercise class but SueSue and Peggy were free so we all went to my favorite salon, got mani-pedis, and drank bubble tea! I’ve been feeling edgy lately so I painted my toenails dark purple. I’m so crazy sometimes!!!

By the afternoon I rode my bike to the farmers market to pick up fresh gluten-free bread and some other things that I can’t grow on my own. (One day!) I also bought some beautiful tulips that were being sold there. I decided they were too beautiful for any old vase, so I biked to a glass-blowing studio down the street to create my very own one-of-a-kind vase for them. Sorry, but none of the other vases would do! They’re sitting on my table now, and may I just say..DAMN. Pardon my french. Next it was time to make an appearance at an engagement party for one of my other besties and I wore my new 4 inch heels with my new dress. I also had the perfect set of hand-made earrings (made by yours truly) which couldn’t have matched any better. Not to toot my own horn, but, BEEP BEEP I was looking good! We drank wine, ate wonderful food, and it felt really good to stand around and talk to people about what they’re doing with their lives, tell them about mine, and then make tentative plans to get coffee and stay in better touch. It’s gonna be a busy social season guys, get ready!

Finally by 10:30 I was ready to leave.  Call me a dork, but I love to get in my jammies and watch reruns of the West Wing before bed! (Rob Lowe, so hot. Don’t get me started.) Anyway I finally made it home, saw the tulips on the table, and remembered how precious life is. I have a great life. But boy am I sleepy! Tomorrow I have Hot Yoga at 4 am, so I better get some rest. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow has in store!!



**Just to reiterate, this was all made up. I’ve been crashed the last few days.  This was just an imaginative experiment in pretending. If I tried to go on an actual six-mile run I would vomit then die.

44 thoughts on “An Experiment.

  1. Great exercise!–I usually live on Mars. Or I am visiting a base camp in the Himalayas–whatever will account for how awful I feel at any given moment yet distract me from it. Hang in, kiddo. It gets, that’s all, it gets.


  2. You are so adorably awesome.
    The only thing I would add is signing off with an ‘xoxo’.
    I hope you’re feeling better!


  3. Hey there,
    Newish to your blog. I have fibromyalgia and, well, this post made me cry. Sometimes it’s easy to pretend that fibromyalgia doesn’t “really” affect me and that I’m “mostly fine.” I know that I am truly lucky in many ways to be dealing with fibro instead of, say, leprosy. But sometimes, especially when it involves disappointing my 3 year old daughter, it just breaks me. It’s painful not to have the energy to be the the wife, mother, daughter, person I want to be. And I sensed your pain in this post as well. Lovely writing. Thanks for sharing the good and the bad. BTW, “I have something called Tylenol, will that help?” LOVE IT! Also, I love Monty!


  4. I was wondering how you could possibly have Fibro and be this productive! I think it would take me a month to get all of this done with my chronic fatigue. Thank you for keeping such a happy blog (even if it is made up!) because it inspires me to be more positive, which I find difficult at times with fibro. Blessings!


  5. Love, love, loved this post. Who in the whole cottion-pickin-chickin-pluckin world lives in a constant state of health and coolness? Anybody? Anybody? Let’s hear it for those days when we can, at least, imagine that we are perfect. And let’s hear it for the days when we actually are perfect – when we feel good, when we get love, when we give love, when we hit that “sweet spot”. Keep writing about the down days until you find yourself on the other side – and can write about the perfect days. It’s all honest and good.


  6. This is hilarious. I always feel like writing something like this…most of the days just slug on by. I feel ya sister :P


  7. omg, I loved this…I was like, my god, she’s having the day I want to have and she has time to write about…it was unbelievable, and then you said …. pop the bubble… it was made up. What a wild ride. You’ve got some spirit in you to do that to me ;)


  8. I got to exhausted by the time you started in your garden. Time to take a break so I can gather the energy to finish reading the post, lol. Great exercise in pretending, I think I may have to try that someday.



  9. Excellent inspiration. (Although, even on my best days, I could never wear 4-inch heels to any event where there was any standing involved.) And YES to Rob Lowe on the West Wing!! RAWR.


  10. oh my dear beautiful woman. you had me giggling till i sneezed. :D

    i DO get the nail salon treatment, come home and take a 3 hour nap. yes, it wears me out. feel back to normal soon, and give monty an ear skritching for me. shadow (my wee doggie) says its BORING to have a pet mama who isnt up to a whole lot of running about!


  11. I was waiting for you to say that’s why you’ve crashed and feel like death :P I’ve had days where there was so much energy I was able to ignore the pain enough to get things done and maybe have a little bit of fun. Unfortunately I pay for it later!


  12. I wonder if the people who *do* actually get the gift of living a life like this all the time have any idea how lucky they are, or that there are so many people for whom a day like this may always be just pure fantasy? I think I know the answer…..


  13. “Bunnies” is definitely a good one; I usually call people with that kind of energy “cokeheads.”

    I know what you mean, though–when it’s time to shut it down and take a breakie-poo, I usually say I need a little Unicorn Discotheque time. :)

    Hope you feel better soon. Hugs to Monty.


  14. I had a feeling that it was either a dream, or something made up. It’s too bad we can’t live that kind of life. I’d never be able to walk, let alone run 6 miles, and I would have been done by 7:30 am. lol
    Thanks for the wonderful post!


  15. Wouldn’t that be absolutely amazing….Beautifully written Mary. It’s almost sad how much it hurts to read about a day in a ‘normal’ life (don’t think mine would be near that exciting) …that to others sounds just like a full day but completely plausible? And to think…not taking even 1 pill! Ahhh… it’s the simple pleasures really.


  16. Another beautifully written blog. My question to you is: did you hypothesize an outcome for this “experiment”? If so, I’m curious to hear what it was.


  17. See, all you needed was a little positive thinking and some South African Juju beans! All better! Who needs doctors?? It’s really mind over matter. Have you ever tried Yogi Echinacea Immune Support, Herbal Tea Supplement? Drink that and you’ll be near invincible. (sarcasm from a fellow autoimmune disease sufferer…)


  18. Great to hear you were able to do all that. Its a big change from how you been feeling. Stay Positive. Your doing Great! Keep up the good work :)


  19. Wow, I don’t think I could even THINK of a day that full, lol!

    I’m feeling happy today to have got a load of washing done, the shopping done and a little cleaning!

    Keep up the positive thinking :)


    1. i actually didn’t do any of this. it was just an experiment in pretending. I’ve been crashed and bedridden the last 2 days. :( i thought I’d just envision a normal life for a moment.


  20. Fantabulous. At this speed there won’t be any superlatives left for adoring Gelpi’s creative writings but what the heck, it doesn’t change a thing. She will continue to shine like a star and that is enough for her followers.


  21. I know people like that. Really wonder where they get all that energy and…well.. cheerleaderish attitude? They make me feel lazy on one of me good days. I call them the “bunnies”.


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