15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

Published on by Mary Gelpi

1. Take pictures of their feet.

This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at a fine dining establishments. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! LOVE YOU LADIES!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We’re hard!!!

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to return a package. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right? Hehe.”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Love,

Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

**My friend Matt Damon (aka Kaitlin) collaborated on the trends of facebook with me. A much more detailed version will be in our book we’re writing. Which will be published….one day…

1,818 thoughts on “15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook”

  3. This article is Fucking terrible. It should read, “what shitty norms like to write about themselves.” HOPE YOU GET A PUBLISHING DEAL SO THEY CAN SELL THIS SHIT AT URBAN OUTFITTERS.

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    1. I thought it was kinda funny (albeit a bit stereotypical and general). I was more annoyed by your desperate need to capitalize “fucking” and then lean on your Caps Lock button for the whole last sentence. I think there are much more constructive ways to express your distaste for something rather than spreading your poison all over the internet.

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      1. You know I would have never noticed that. I guess he capitalized Fucking because he normally uses it at the beginning of a sentence, and his spell check dictates as so? Lol

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    3. You know, it is easy to comment about things and be critical when you are “anonymous”… How about owning your words…

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      1. This is the best reply to an obscure comment on the internet ever. I’ve been giggling like a loon for the last five minutes.

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  8. My white friends are guilty of these! I cracked up reading this!

    Now upon saying that, my black girl friends post pics of them at work, complain about men, skin and hood rats.

    Hispanics, like my family and friends tend to take the puckered mouth in the dirty bathroom with five ppl and forget to turn the flash off, or they post pics of them all serious and bug eyed. They status about how life is a bitch and then you die.

    Now I know its wrong to stereotype but its a funny trend and that’s the beauty of cultures.

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  9. You forgot the famous “duck face”, the “I just got out of bed in my PJs – oh I’m so hideous” yet I have a pound of makeup on and took 12 photos before I picked this one and finally the ” I hate you but will comment how beautiful you are”

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  11. You are totally hilarious! I have MS and am guilty of #12. My mundane news is awesome! I am also told to quit eating gluten at least once a week. You’re going to be famous now, too!

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    1. That’s bc if you have an autoimmune disease, you REALLY should stop eating gluten. Just saying’. You’ll feel better :)

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      1. Auto-immune diseases are very rare and as a med student I think this dumb diet trend well not last like all the rest as people realize the placebo effect is the source of most of the benefits.

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    1. why would that be racist, the title of this is “15 things white girls love to do on facebook” I post a lot of shit on facebook, but none of what this article says. Black girls never have made a post about a restaurant they didnt like? Wow. Very strange…

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      1. cause if it said black it better have been by a black person…not to mention when we throw gangsta signs we really go hard!!!!

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      3. SO COOL THEN BLACKS THROW STUPID SIGNS AND SO DO WHITES…WOW…SO I GUESS WE SHOULD START A WHITE COLLEGE AND WHITE GRANTS FOR WHITES only

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      4. I’ve read it, this blog post- the author did not however said anything about “speaking from experience” or what not..It’s just a list of random things that *White* girls apparently do on Facebook.

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    2. I suppose I will phrase my response in the form of a multiple choice question:

      Are you?
      A) Racist
      B) Ignorant
      C) All of the above

      And no, this question does not unduly benefit ethnic groups. If you don’t know the answer it is simply because you are stupid, not because you are white.

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  19. “Really loving my boyfriend right now.”

    “12 people like this”

    ?? Really??

    You narcissistic, self-important whining bunch of sub-level realty-show contestant wanna-be’s masquerading as hipsters spending hours in front of a computer getting very much of absolutely nothing done whilst pretending its a social revolution. Blecch. Fecesbook. The beginning of the end.

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  21. What about taking pictures of themselves
    In a mirror with “fish lips” posing for self
    Portraits?? That shit is always on Facebook
    By repeat offenders!

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  22. first of all…WHITE GIRLS? hello this is fucking north america, trends and girly shit go a long way if your white or black or orange or whatever color? maybe its WHITE girls, cause for some reason you think your better? or is it cause u have no black friends? either way, come on you stereotype.

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    2. way to perpetuate the stereotype that whenever anyone refers to a specific color of people that’s not black, black people are offended…even though they stereotype themselves all the time.Classic.

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      1. The difference being that “white” is not a minority culture and doesn’t have the same cultural identity or shared history that black people do. Identifying these things as white is absurd.

        The main thing missing here is “white people like to list things white people do because they think it makes them seem culturally aware.”

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      2. Way to perpetuate the misleading notion that you can tell someone’s race by their name. It’s been proven again and again that you can’t.

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      3. Agreed Matt…classic!! Chris, I’m not saying that we’ve all been through the same hardships throughout history, but white people weren’t all just born into socially accepting cultures. & is being white really not a minority in America anymore? When does the bitching stop?? What race is our President? How long has it been since equal Civil Rights?? LONG ENOUGH TO QUIT BLAMING IT ON WHITE PEOPLE!!!

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      4. First of all, seeing this article as racist is ridiculous. How can someone mocking their own culture and being this self-loathing be seen as racist? Wouldn’t reading this article make you glad you aren’t a white girl? Also, trying to equate this article as white people trying to sound culturally aware is giving it too much social commentary and relevance. Couldn’t it simply be an article about what her and her goofy friends, who all happen to be white girls, do on Facebook?

        On the opposite side of the coin, I just want to note that, no, white people aren’t the minority. They are the largest ethnic group in America. They are simply not as large compared to “non-whites.” Hopefully you recognize however, that “non-whites” includes more than one ethnic group. It is simply a misused stat used as a political talking point. Also, Obama getting elected didn’t end all racism in America. Finally, the Civil Rights movement was passed in 1964. Women were allowed to vote in 1920 and still get paid, hired, and promoted less than men. I think you may need to be a little more patient with how quickly societies can change their own culture with mere legislation.

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      5. White people do have culture. What I think of as white culture is Ralph Lauren sweaters, horseback riding and high fives. If its not that it’s tractors, plaid shirts, shot guns and chewing tobacco. You’re also stereotyped. Therefore you have culture.

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    3. This really should not be a racist article at all..it is silly facebook jokes. Thanks for the history lesson douchebag..anybody ever watch “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?” I think they have ‘white’ & ‘non-white’ people on there.

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  23. How about over-posting about pictures of their first born children, then completely ignoring children 2-4?

    How about posting weekly status reports of their preggo belly’s?

    Or posting lame-ass engagement photos which their husbands look extremely forced?

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  24. Consider, for the older fb users, how they tend to type IN ALL CAPS and are some of the main ones passing on ‘chain posts’ or ‘repost-posts’. AND they are big on games like Farmville, and that’s why many have a fb…sure! Funny top 15!

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  32. Expressing how life sucks and they just want to either run away or go hide from the world – they post this just to get attention.

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  34. I think I only do one of those thing. #15, parce que mon statut est tres cool quand presque ne personne le comprend.
    It’s okay, I’ll upload more pictures with the duck face and that’ll take care of everything! :D

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  38. #16 would have to be about their workout/run and how challenging it was. Also reporting how long they ran or worked out and how many calories they burned.

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  39. That was CREEPY. It was like you had jumped into my facebook, and were specifically talking about half of my friends. Every.single.one. I would definitely include duckface on this list. So much duckface. Number 9 in particular pisses me right off.

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  41. Another one: The group shot of women – front row of women NEVER stands straight. They do the poop-squat pose. Cleavage showing. Bending over when there is NO need.

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  42. This is rubbish and annoying. Plus, who is the author? “15 Things White Girls Do on Facebook,” is a very racist and sexist topic header. Several of your “observations” are infact typical social networking behavior that anyone–regardless of gender, class, or race–might do. For instance, my boyfriend has posted, on Facebook, photos of food he has cooked up. My wanna-be hipster male friends take photos of themselves throwing “gang signs.” And my male roommates FB about getting drinks after work, all the time.

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    4. Dear White Girl Megan,

      You just compleated #10, so congrats. Next thing you will tell us is that your best friend is black, and you date a Jewish guy…. ya ya ya, we’ve all heard it before.

      This blog is funny. Get with the program and keep on taking pictures of you and your best’ies feet.

      P.S. Your male roommate is gay, which is pretty much the same as being a white girl.

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    5. Wow. Learn how to handle a joke! Relax! Take some Xanax – maybe take it with your boyfriend and/or friend of a different race and post it on facebook. That way it would be inclusive of all people, regaurdless of race or sex, who completely suck at life. People like you irritate the fuck out of me and I’m sure the majority of people reading this right now.

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      1. Why do you think using the word “rubbish” is an attempt to be cultured? I hope you are aware that, outside of the US, this is an extremely common word. Are you that ethnocentric that you think posters here can only be Americans?

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    9. So not sexist – not even “very” racist. Just because this is a list of “15 Things White girls Do on Facebook” it doesn’t mean the author believes nobody else does them. Remember kids, being anal-retentive means you probably can’t poop. Relax and everything will all be alright.

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  47. the most common thing black girls do on facebook.

    1. call out their babys daddy for not paying child support, then brag about the $300 weave they got when they finally get the child support.

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  48. I have a couple of the COUPLES WHO MUST SHOW THEIR DEVOTION TO EACH OTHER BY INSTAGRAMMING THEMSELVES EVERY SINGLE PLACE THEY ARE EVER SEEN TOGETHER.

    I think that’s the technical term for it.

    Props, from another pasty chick.

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  50. Not quite how us British Girls would do it but very similar, I thing Brit girls do that I’ve never understood even though I am one, is taking pictures of each other in the mirror when you go to the restroom (or toliet as we call it)
    Hope you feel ok today.

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  53. This is a list of things that American girls do, British girls would be slightly different, like taking pictures of each other while in the restroom of a pub/club, something I have never understood even as a British female.

    After reading the about me on here I hope you are feeling ok today.

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    1. Actually….I have a lot of Asian friends who are typically the ones taking pictures in the bathrooms and a lot of my white female friends are the ones taking pictures in their passenger seat of a car..soooo

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  55. Where have you been all my life? I freaking love this blog (and have done most of the things on the list). Also, I take 17 pills a day for an undiagnosed mystery disease. It is awesome. Thoroughly impressed that you are able to be hilarious even though you spend so much time taking pills.

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    2. I do some of them, too, and I’m a lame old white guy. Stereotypes can be funny if they aren’t demeaning — no one is better at poking fun at white people than Dave Chappelle. Sometimes these kinds of topics trend on Twitter, and most people have fun laughing at themselves. Your reply WAS the best.

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  60. Ummmm <— White Girl (like, really white…ghostly white), and I've only done one of these, and it's about needed a beer after work. Because I did need a beer, and do need a beer. I post about what I did in Skyrim, and pictures of mini pigs.

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    1. Skyrim alone puts you outside two standard deviations of facebook’s white girl population, so your input’s statistically irrelevant.

      I hear Skyrim’s pretty sick.

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  62. 1) draw a mustache on their index finger
    2) place that finger on their top lip
    3) pose for a picture with a surprised look on their face

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  65. Pingback: 15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook « The3rdKulture

  67. Sadly, aside from the feet thing (#LoveMeMyLamasil), I know one middle-aged gay urban male who is guilty of the other 14. Oh wait… I was wearing a pair of kickin’ boots I shared as a mobile upload last spring, so I guess I’ve done them all. By the way: I think I love you. Must follow you like the Walk of Shame follows a questionably successful Saturday night.

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  73. Definitely duck face. And I’ve stumbled upon a training class for some of this behavior.

    A girl telling the other girls to talk specific about no one in particular. Hilarious.

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  77. But you totally forgot the one about how the ones with kids post long, meandering paragraphs about how fucked up the world is how they are going to single-handedly alter the course of thousands of years of civilization to make sure their kids don’t have to deal with whatever is getting their ire, whether it be the ‘commercialization of Christmas’ or issues of manners and propriety.

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    1. True, I’ll have to make a separate list that deals only with children and old people on facebook, because they have their own set of trends. Going to see my grandma at Christmas…I’ll sign her up and watch the magic unfold.

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  83. People whose names are just their first and middle.
    Pictures where everyone is jumping.
    Status updates that are commented on immediately by the original poster.

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    1. Or liking their own status. Then commenting on it. Mis-spelling something in the comment, and instead of deleting it, they repeat the original comment with the word spelled right.

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    1. Duckfacing is common amongst women of all ethnicities. The epidemic that is the duckface knows no race nor creed, so it kinda needed to be skipped on this one.

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  90. Publicly thanking the husband that’s three feet away will NEVER finish up as a single comment. For some reason, most husband and wife Facebook duos feel compelled to have in-depth conversations via the status update and subsequent comments, and will eventually resort to using pet names.

    Wife: “My baby boy is the best ever!”
    Husband: “You know it. We got any more beer?”
    Wife: “Did you check the other fridge? You look so hot.”
    Husband: “There’s none in there babe.”
    Facebook friend that can’t help but chime in: “OMG, you guys are so cute!”
    Wife: “I’m so lucky! Love you FFTCHBCI!”

    Thanks for a very amusing post – I look forward to working my way through the other ones.

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    4. haaaaaaaaahaha. Spot on, complete with the “my-two-cents” friend! perfect.

      I am guilty of another thing white girls do on facebook – overuse my vowels, punctuation marks, capital letters, and the occasional constant. (maybe I do it to cover up my poor speiling)

      example:

      I loooooooooooove it!!!! It was sooooooooooooo funnny. What about these craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy cats reading racism (RACISM!) into it, huh!!!??? CRAZY!

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