15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook

Published on by Mary Gelpi

1. Take pictures of their feet.

This is what our feet look like!

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at a fine dining establishments. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! LOVE YOU LADIES!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’

We’re hard!!!

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

I effing love oatmeal!!! Mmmmmmm.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to return a package. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right? Hehe.”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Love,

Mary. A white girl on facebook, guilty of most of these things.

**My friend Matt Damon (aka Kaitlin) collaborated on the trends of facebook with me. A much more detailed version will be in our book we’re writing. Which will be published….one day…

1,818 thoughts on “15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook”

      3. True. They do the duckface to a camera or they kiss a good friend/significant other on the cheek and have some caption about love.

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  5. this is the best… been dying to say the same thing but i’d be considered sexist. also, this goes for pretty much all girls, not just white. keep up the medicore work

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  6. I disagree with this being a “white” or “girl” thing. Most of my Black and Hispanic friends post the same things and my guy friends are terrible about posting about mundane things.

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  7. Truth. Also leaving statuses about what we are drinking and listening to on Pandora during the workday. For example… “Chai tea and Michael Buble Christmas on Pandora :)”

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  10. Pingback: 15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook - Guys Gab

    1. That is called facebook voodoo. Every once in a while someone tags this person in a complete picture and you see the real story

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  13. Pingback: White Girls, Facebook, Pearl Harbor | Lawyers on Strike

  14. I feel the need to post a few from my “news” feed…

    “Is it Friday yettt?!”

    “I have attractive friends. Haha.”

    “New day, new attitude. Gotta focus on whats important and wash my hands of the B.S.”

    “Dear obnoxious neighbor, you are not allowed to give permission to have the septicguy redone and then revoke said permission once we start getting estimates. It is written into a deed that we can get the work done, stop being an annoyance, please, because it will get done.”

    “Insomnia, insomnia.”

    “exhausted!!! Mind games are not my forta!!! :/”

    “Sadly I think today is gonna be a long boring day even though I’m off at 2pm since there nothing for me to do.”

    “getting me and brady ready, then a short shift at work 1-5:30 then back home to do laundry….”

    …..fucking kill me now. Most of these are white girls. The attractive friends one was a white boy.

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  16. I think all the people who have posted negative comments about this are the ones who do number 10. Also though, I think they should lighten up. It’s a joke. What would we do in life without a good joke to make you laugh. C’mon people. And to the person who commented right before me, I hate to break it to you but you read it AND commented. Now that’s ironic!

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  18. Taking group pictures in bathrooms? …found one with a floater in the background! and then posting them sideways.

    and remember liking your own posts – kinda like high fiving yourself in public you just look stupid!

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    2. They do post pictures of pets continuously. I don’t think anyone cares where your cat is laying. I think you’re just calling yourself a “cat lady”…

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      1. i have a fb for my dog… but thats just because i wanted to list her as my daughter, plus i have to use it because i trollololol and my fb keeps getting banned. PLUSSSS it started as a “jesusgod heyzeus” originally, because my fb used to say that i was married to jesus…

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  20. Don’t forget the angry status update followed up with the “I don’t wanna talk about it” comment…then why did you post your anger online for all to see in the first place?!

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  23. .my best friend’s aunt makes 87 an hour on the computer. and last month her pay was 7299 , she is one of many  learned Kelly Richard’s methods in “Online income solutions” MakeCash1. CóMonly

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      1. I hate when people post this. Obviously those who “give a rats ass” are the one’s replying and continuing this, admittedly mundane, conversation. If you don’t “give a rats ass” then just don’t post. I’m thinking I’ll make a list could be created called “15 things annoying people post as comments” and your infraction would top the list

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  25. Don’t forget taking pictures from an overhead angle appearing to be sexy with pouting or “kissy” lips…ugh so annoying!

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      2. There is a difference between kissy lips and duck lips. Kissy lips looks like you’re about to give someone a kiss (obviously) while duck lips look like you’re trying to grow a duck’s bill (usually accompanied by the deranged “I’m so cool b/c I don’t care if I look pretty” eye stare.)

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  27. Very funny! You forgot people typing messages to those who have “passed on”…(as if they are reading FB)- miss you so much great great grandmother! & the happy birthday to their children messages…(Timmy’s the best 1 year old in the world, we are so proud! Happy Birthday little Timmy!!)

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  28. i’ve seen posts like this from all races, and males too. pretty sure this is just a list of the typical annoyances on facebook.

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  29. i’ve seen these types of posts from all different races, and also males. they’re just regular annoyances from anyone on facebook.

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  30. This is funny. I see a lot of this going on FB by White girls and yes, I’m white. It’s ridiculous that certain people post every minute of their lives up there. What they are doing from one minute to the next. So I definitely enjoyed the humor in this because most of it, if not all, is true!!

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      3. you know, the Communists. (Actually, I think “red” could refer to a Native American. Don’t know about Aborigine’s or “native” people in general.)

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  35. I think this shit is Funny and Im a white girl. Some people need to calm down geez. I hae honestly neer even done half that stuff though. Im really guilty of the saying my bffs are coming oer to wach movies or shop I do it all the time. Now the pictures of the feet I see a lot of people do it and I dont understand it, unless u happen to have a cool tat there then dont take pics of your feet!

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      1. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that her “V” key is broken. However, that does not excuse the atrocious grammar.

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  37. I’m a white girl. Never do this shit. I think it’s all the dumb people that take Facebook too seriously and have nothing better to do everyday than do that. I kno plenty of guys that do all that’s listed above as well

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  39. You forgot that they (we, but will never be me) love to post sonogram pictures while pregnant! I’m sorry, ew. Also, this is hilarious.

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  40. need one for guys now! i already have some for the list:
    “taking a dump in a public bathroom with my buddy in the stall next to me…that’s real friendship!”
    “[girlfriend left facebook open] I loooovee myyy boyfrienddddd!!! xoxoxo”
    “Drinking hat is on!”
    “status changed from single to in a relationship…status changed from in a relationship to single….status changed from single to in a relationship…”
    “Wake up, LSU!…Oops! Someone angered the Honey Badger! (complete play by play of whatever sport is on TV at the moment followed by their added commentary)”
    “Attempted to do daughter’s hair, I think it came out great…her Mom thinks it looks like a creation from a sci-fi movie…”
    “photos of self distorted using some sort of picture editor or app-this is me as an alien, this is me as a zombie…”

    (yes, these are from experience, not made up)

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  42. Pingback: 15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook | 101.5 KNUE Country Radio

  43. Okay, so I am seeing that no matter what anyone writes on facebook or anywhere else, it is said to be racist. Come on people, can’t we all realize that everyone has an opinion, and like or not we all have the right to voice it. And the things that have happened in our country in the past is the past…leave it alone already. We are now a multicultural country like it or not, and everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs. I for example hate seafood, does that make me non american or prejudice against a race or culture? No. It makes me myself with my own choices. We are all who we choose to be we will always be that way. Can’t we all just agree that everyone is different and or similar in their own ways and move on from it? I am all about a good conversation about people’s beliefs, but I do think that we need to learn how to respect that thoughts and opinions of others.

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  44. hahaha … u forgot the “just did a massive friend cleanse — you guys are the lucky ones left!” like we should all be so blessed …

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  45. how about the “triple-love”? posting something they love with the caption “love love love!” haha….all in good fun! don’t sue me :P

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  46. OMG really? Does there have to be such deep philosophers on a funny blog? Quit over-thinking everything and let your hair down.

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  47. so true, but I think it is more of an age group of girls than white….it seems funnier that way. Love it, people life is short you gotta laugh

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  48. You’ve missed out on
    “Can’t wait to see the back of 2011! No more men! 2012 is going to be my year”

    First status of 2012 nailed on about loving some bloke.

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  51. Pingback: Happy December! | livingroompicnic

      1. Agreed. You need to submit a proposal to an agent first. In non-fiction, the book doesn’t need to be finished before you submit.

        What you really need is a huge platform, especially for a book that is about popular culture.

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  54. I find the posting offensive, certainly misogynistic.
    Generalizations about race are usually condemned as racist, not to mention inaccurate.

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    1. Did cha take a look at the ABOUT? Maybe the reason this person wrote about the 15 things white girls do on facebook is because well… she’s a white girl!

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    2. Get over yourself. And while you’re at it, realize you are reading a satirical article. And if it’s so offensive, please provide a link to your personal Facebook..where you are probably guilty of several of the above infractions. (methinks thou doth protesteth too much)

      Other than that..you don’t sound stuffy, and full of yourself at all. Seem like a ton of fun to hang out with.

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      1. uranidiot- You must be an idiot if you see no difference between a blog and a personal FB page. Swap ‘white’ with any other race and this probably wouldn’t have made the web, satirical or not. I do not understand the anger you have for someone who just wants everyone to play by the rules and not say ‘oh! We’ll say ‘white people’ it’s ok to make fun of them’. It can be fun to make fun of white people, but when every other race is exempt of the same skewering..that’s not right.

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      2. Mndamae,

        why would it matter if you swapped “white” with “black”? It wouldnt matter….obviously you dont understand comedy whatsoever….if you did you would understand that joking is joking….i joke about how my dads credit is so wack cuz he is black….i joke about how i saved my tips for 7 years straight and when I finally spent the money and I was devastated and finally knew what it felt like to be a Jewish person for a short period of time. I joke about the time I needed to ace my take home calculus final, I called my cousins boyfriend named John Woo, an extremely bright man, and asked for his help. I told him I would pay him 20 dollars if he could finish the exam in the two hour time limit…..he said, “in China, we ace exams in 15 minutes!!” The majority of serial killers are white folks…they are so sadistic they will kidnap your daughter, kill her, chop her up and cement her remains into his basement stairs AND THEN go and join the search party looking for her! MY POINT IS: If my jokes were actually funny, although being stereotypical, the average insensitive joker would have a good laugh and be not offended. They are JOKES! not serious or derogatory remarks…..there is no race that is off limits….ALSO GAYS joke with the best of them! so get the fuck off your high horse, lower your chin so your nose isnt turned up so fucking much and get the fuck outta this blog if you cant take a joke…..

        “Swap ‘white’ with any other race and this probably wouldn’t have made the web, satirical or not.”
        -MADE THE WEB? This is a fuckin blog, there is no democratic vote for this type of thing, Anyone can post in a blog……
        You really are an ignorant ass!

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    5. This post was saved by the tag ‘humor’ and I believe thats why WordPress posted it. If you have a bone to pick with anyone then pick it with the WordPress team…and get a sense of humor too please or write something funny that black girls do.

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      1. that’s the problem…the ones that are full of themselves do take pictures of the wannabe gang signs and try to show off how badass they are. whether that’s “self-respect” or cockiness is a very fine line to walk.

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  58. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

    Ok so the post above confirms it all most white girls do is take Meth and give blow jobs. Sad very sad.

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  63. Although i am not guilty of a lot of these…its still funny and i do think im gangster!lol….but a white version of a cooler gangster!hahahahaha

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    2. Don’t you know that would be considered RACIST?? It’s funny because shes making fun of white people. If it were about black people it would make the news.

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  66. This is halarious… but why title it “White Girls”? Did the authours realize that this would cause strife? Maybe that was the point?

    At any rate, after reading the comments below, it seems the world is full of people who can think and debate and banter back and forth until the cows come home – but what they need to ask is this “Am I stating an opinion to create introspection about the state of humanity – or do I just want to be ‘right’?”

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    1. Agreed. I goof off on FB, I’m a black woman and I kind of take offense to “White Girls” and that the list seems to look at the mundane and ridiculous behavior, and not the other issues that are brought up, such as social issues, concern, and simply keeping in touch with friends and family. Thank you Mikki for your comment.

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      3. Guys. They weren’t trying to be deep. I honestly doubt that the thought of “social issues” even crossed their minds. Just chill.

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  69. Oh Crikey…can’t anyone take a fricking joke anymore…why does it boil down to things such as, “Anybody that follows this needs a life?” Wouldn’t that include the idiot that wrote that statement? Why is this racist? Because it said the word, “White?” Seems we are no longer allowed to use this word in print anymore…however, it is quite ok to write the word Black…let’s see…we have Ebony Magazine…NAACP…Miss. Black America…BLack Liberation Army…and a TON of other organizations that reference Blacks only…why is it that Whites no longer have freedoms…I am thinking that the Black community did not wish for equality but rather revenge on Whites…that “HELLO” are NO LONGER LIVING you fools…you can’t blame the grandchildren for the grandparents misgivings…if that were the case…NONE of us would be allowed to walk around because during the civil war there were over 300,000 FREED Black slave that then BOUGHT Black men, women, and children to work on THIER farms as slave owners and let us not forget that when the Spanish took Blacks out of Africa and the Carribean…it was originally BLACKS who sold them…eventually, the Spanish decided to simply take them…but that is not what gave them the idea to begin with…so stop blaming this generation for things that YOUR ANCESTORS also had a part in.

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      1. I TOTALLY agree with you Sam. The white people of today are getting blamed (for lack of a better word) for things we didn’t even take part in. We can’t help that someone’s grandmother’s grandmother was a slave any more than we can help that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Get over it and 1) find someone else to blame 2) don’t blame anyone and get a life or 3) move to Africa and rejoin the ones who REALLY are descendants of the ones who sold your ancestors out. Also, if you read the King James Version of the Holy Bible you will find that slavery did not begin with Black people nor was it limited to them only. Finally, if your ancestors had not been slaves, think of where you would be living today and the conditions you would be living in. Have you ever picked up a copy of National Geographic or watched that channel? Time to stop complaining about things nobody can do anything about and learn to love the freedoms you now have in the United States that someone fought for and gave you. Don’t teach your children to be bitter toward the white people from time they are able to talk and a lot of the hatred would just go away. Think about it.

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      2. Cindy S.: Your post below is a decent attempt at a point, but you’re still way off. I dig the passion! Keep up the entertaining posts!

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      3. Don’t forget the white Irish slaves in the North. And I have plenty of black friends, but I really wish that they, as a society, would take a look around and see exactly who are the racists. I mean, they call an interracial, mixed, half white/half black President black. The man’s mother is white. But, you’re right. It’s just come full circle and revenge is in order. Ugh…And by the way, I know plenty of black people who do plenty of the above white things!

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    3. Cindy and Sam,
      Please learn black and other marginalized group’s history before you try to sound profound. I’m not talking about the crap they feed you in your privilege upper class high school. Rather, the history and impact of slavery, oppression, and power on marginalized group. Assuming that you two are not stupid and your opinions are a consequence of a lack of awareness, and privilege, I am recommending some books to inform your knowledge.

      The Debt: What America Owes to Blacks [Paperback]
      Randall Robinson
      Brainwashed: Challenging the Myth of Black Inferiority [Paperback]
      Tom Burrell
      Privilege, Power, and Difference A. Johnson
      White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son by Tim Wise*** Sam, this one is particularly for you.

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      2. Thanks for this book and taking one for the team here- I really didn’t want to have to waste my time educating Cindy and Sam, sad, pitiful, racists. Google “white priviledge” and rethink your replies people!

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    4. If you had stopped with the “quite okay to write black” you’d have had a point and made it… but everything was lost on the little tyrant after. Angry much?

      And lord lets not even talk about Cindy’s comments below. At least Sam had a point.

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    5. why are you even bringing up all this shit that keeps pouring out of your mouth? you are an idiot! This is an attempt at comedy…..nothing is off limits in comedy…..cuz its all about jokes and anything that can be controversially funny…..this isnt a history blog so stop talking about stupid ass historical garbage that has nothing to do with this young lady’s attempt at being a comedian….get off whatever salty ass seat you are sitting on and go to a tracy morgan stand-up event….he will talk (joke) about race, racism and the past of America, everything you are apparently interested in talking about……but wait….nvm….doubt you would like it since its “comedy”…..

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  70. Okay…. Then everyone I know must be a “white girl” because that’s the same drivel that most people on my Facebook page post.

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  80. Just stumbled across this! actually so funny because it’s all true!! but make a black one it would probably be just as funny or even more. Like how they write things **LiKe ThIs On ThEiR sTaTuS** and even write in their accent, not using real words. good stuff.

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      1. And this one isn’t? You know plenty of non-white people are cracking up at this. Majority or not, it’s a double-standard when it’s somehow ok to racially specify one thing like this but anything else is immediately labeled racist.

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      5. because being racist is impossible when you’re black, right? fool. stop thinking that something is racist if a white person said it and not racist if someone else did. the comment is a comment, either it is racist in your opinion or not. there is no subjectivity here.

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  83. So can you post 15 things guys do on Facebook now? I can help you start.

    1. Take a shirtless picture in the bathroom mirror (middle finger optional)

    Seriously though. people take things way too seriously.

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  84. I love the ones that say,” Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband, I love you” – and the husband isn’t even on Facebook.

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  87. lets begin: 15 Things black girls like to do on Facebook. 1: Demean any other race by any means possible, Even if that includes making blanket statements for assumed amusement.

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    3. haha.. you have to through mud at other races in order to make you feel some sort of validation .. haha you’re a loser .. In my best Neslon Muntz voice.

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    4. wow! someone is salty about black folks ehh? just because you are a ignorant ass and a mean old black lady was demeaning to you cuz you were reppin a big ass swastika on your white pointy hat doesnt mean that “black girls” demean any other race by any means possible….your stereotyping is quite pathetic considering you are probably an educated non-black person….all im trying to say is you are a piece of shit for generalizing that all black girls like to demean any other race my any means possible. and finish your stupid ass list….you only have 1 thing….apparently there is 14 more to come? Fuck yourself with a broom handle and stop making stupid fucking lists….

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  89. Your blog is viral ;) I hope you become famous with the amazing sense of wit from all your posts- I read at least 9 of them already and haven’t stopped laughing and/or feeling sqwooshy inside from stories about your dad. Good luck in all your endeavors :)

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      1. Wow your statement could be nu,ber 16.

        “Mary is amazingly funny in person :) you would love her”

        16. Make sure anonymous people on the internet know that i’m cool enough to actually know this “popular” person that people are all talking about!

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